Journey of A.C.K.S

I want to stop this....

2008-09-26T12:04:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... It's been a very long time since the last time I updated my blog.

Anyway, there will not be nothing much to be posted. Basically this may be the last post I will write. So basically you can stop visit this blog after see this post because there will not any of them anymore.

Ahh... Anyway those who read my post, if there is a day where you suddenly can't contact me for very long time like, unreplied sms even after a few days or not seeing me online or even didn't receive any reply of any email. That will probably mean that I am already gone. Yeah... You are not mistaken. Gone as in dead gone. I am not kidding but serious about it. I think I am affected by some kind of virus that may affect my life or probably change my life. But still this is just may.

The "Best Location" for Library

2008-07-30T06:07:00.000-07:00

This whole day went out with Saiful, my best friend who has my other half. What I mean by other half as in he is very lucky with his things while I am not. I guess that must have explained why we are so closed. Like what he said, "Two opposite poles, attracts each others". Err.. Don't get the creepy idea. This is a more to positive as in friend-friend relationship. Wakaka.. Well.. If as in why he is my other half, that I will explain some other time. Wakaka.. X)

Anyway today went to National Library to find some reference book on SDK programming. Well it's some IT things which I would not like to describe since it is very IT term which I myself also not very sure. Haha... So from there I actually wanted to borrow this book but it was located at Queenstown Library. So we are actually have no idea how to go. So we actually kind of give up the idea of going over. Then we went to Beach Road since Saiful wanted to "look" for his durable bag. Then near the bus stop there, we actually wanted to head to city. Then we saw bus 51 actually head to Queenstown MRT. So I thought might as well gave it a try and borrow that other book.

So we board the bus and alight at Queesntown MRT. Well.. We had to stop at Queenstown MRT first since my EZ link card had not credits. So we head back to the same bus stop where we alighted earlier and waited for the same bus. Since bus 51 just passed, so we thought of giving a try with another bus. First bus arrived, I asked the captain if that bus actually heading to Queensway Community Centre. Guess what he said? Ghim Moh, Ghim Moh. I was totally confused with his answer. So I just thanked him and got down the bus. The second bus captain was much nicer, he even reminded the earlier passengers to drop and directed them to the their location. Well, he did located for us where is the Community Centre first.

Initially when we went in to The Community Centre, it was like a haunted place. The front gate is totally shut except for the side door. We thought we might have went to the wrong place. So when we make out way to the entrance then we saw lives. However the library was not around. We went to ask this person, he told us that library is quite far and we need to cross the road and pass by hawker centre. Then I thanked him and leave and head to the main road. When we reached at the junction. We had 2 ways of crossing the roads but either 1 of them we could see the hawker centre. Then we asked nearby passerby to lead us the way to the library.

He pointed to this block across the road and told us that it is just behind the road. So I thanked him again and cross the road. Upon reaching behind the block, we saw 2 churches but there is no hawker centre in sight or the library. At that moment I already felt so cheated by those 2 people. We almost gave up but we saw the hawker centre behind the church. Walked all the way down and yet there is no building that has this library looks or the feeling of a library. Then I asked again a customer on the hawker centre, he pointed that we must cross the road. So I thanked him and cross the road. When we reached the library. It looks very torn down at the outside but the inside looks surprising new. I was like "WOW! Don't ever judge a book by it's cover". Though it was not really superb, it looks pretty nice. However it was still kind of haunted since it looked kind of empty. Even when we reached the second floor, there was not seems to be any crowd at all. That library is really something. I have to said it but it really has the "best location". Haha...

The End

2008-07-26T22:09:00.000-07:00

To the reader, you have the right to read this post but I will have you to agree that whatever you read in here is meant to be in here only. I do not care if you want to discuss it outside but I will not entertain with any question. Your tag in my shout box shall be deleted too. So if you agree then go ahead and read it.

This will be last post about her. I have decided to let go of her totally. So basically this post is dedicated to her only.

Seems like this really "The End" between us. All this long, I just want you to notice me but I guess I was asking too much. I have no one to blame since I was the foolish. I have to admit that you are really the most significant person in my life. I think I cannot love anyone as deep as this anymore. To be begin with, my feelings has never reached you even though I tried it so many times. If there is one word that can describe a feeling that is deeper than love, than that word will desribe my feeling for you.

It's started on Novemeber, I still remembered how I got to know you. I was folding napkin back then and I always felt that you are a person who has much arrogance in you but I was wronged. I always admire you from afar and I did not have that much gut to even approached you. You were the one who talked to me first. That conversation was short but it last for a long while. That was the first day I got to know your name.

Few days later near the end of the month, I was folding linen again when I saw you again. I told myslef that I will get your number for sure. I was even given 5 chances to ask you for it but I missed them all. It was sad but funny at the same time. You passed by me for 5 times and I could not even asked for your number. God must have been really patience with me.

2 weeks later, I get your number because you wanted to know more about RP. It was just nice before I went back Indonesia. I still remember that we talked on the phone as if we are talking face to face. We spoke from midnight til 3-4 am. I do not care if I really going back Indonesia tomorrow. That was the first time, when I really felt that your feeling has reached mine.

When I got back from Indonesia, we hardly talked since when I came back for few weeks and back to Indonesia again. Anyway, I was still very afraid in contacting you. I was too afraid that I might fall for you (Even though I did). So ever since then, I can only stand from afar and watched your shadow again. Though we did talk for a while when we are in M9 but it was fun. I get to know more and more about you.

So I had been denying my feeling for sometime. I had no idea why but I felt that God always blessed me. He never failed to create a chance for me. Not once or twice but plenty of them. There were time where I did not even know what is reality anymore.

I remembered there was once you invited me to a movie with your friends but I could not really remember the movie name. However I remembered the movie that I invited you to. It was none other than my all time favourite movie, Spiderman 3. It was clear on my mind that what we did on that day. We went Vivocity to watch the movies around 5 and the movie was a 4K digital. Then we went to eat at Hong Kong Cafe. I ate the cheese bake rice and you eat the instant Maggi noodle. Then afterward, I actually went to Tampines with you and we talked about lots of thing.

I dreamt about you once and it was so realistic. You called me to meet up and we hang out with your friends. Then your friends left and only left me and you. Now that I recalled, the dream is still clear on my mind. We met a Cine and just chit chat for awhile before your friends really left us. Though I still could not recall what your friend said, I figured it will be "Do not regret what you going to do" and you replied "I know". That was the first time I really hear a confession from you. I wanted to replied to your feeling to but I woke up. That was the most beautiful dream I have ever had and probably the worst nightmare since that was the day where everyhting started to crumble.

Soon afterward, I tried forgetting you but seems like you keep on appearing on my head over and over again. So I end up looking for a replacement but it did not work put well since I end up getting even closer to you.

So I started to become paranoid for what I have done. The fear of losing you keep on appearing on my head. However the fear did turn reality. I guess it was to be expected after all I was very extreme in what I do.

I wanted to meet you badly on your 18 birthday but I was too afraid. So I just came out with excuse not able and dare to meet you. So end up I only passed you a birthday cake and watched you left me behind.

Furthermore, all those craps that I send you on the New Year was the most extreme ever. I was too desperate of losing you. So I just being very emotional and sentimental disturb and sent you the message. I was not sure whether the message reached you since it was on New Year Eve and it was 5 pages long.

I went back Indonesia and showeed you to my friend. Show them the girl I really in love and madly with. I send you message and you replied. You told me that you sent me a message that wanted to ask me out. Up to this day, I have not receieved that message yet. Maybe you just wanted to comfort me or maybe you just wanted to make me happy or maybe you did sent the message but I really did not received it. Even my friend who send me a message, I received all of them when I came back to Singapore.

On my birthday, you said you wanted to asked me out. So I was very happy and this time round I wanted to become selfish. No more bullshit like "Nevermind, you got other friends that you can go out with beside me". No more such bullshit. So I was very looking forward to it. Yet on the day of meeting, you told me that you have a very bad stomachached that you going to hospital and your Mom was on the way to fetch you. I accepted naturally because I believed in you. You told me the following week, we were going to meet. That follwing never came. I even went all the troubled to follow your shadow to Clark Quay but seems like you already left. I told you that I was working in Robertson Quay and you called me. We talked and when you suggested me how to go from City Hall, I hinted you on purpose that you wanted to ask me out but you said "NO!". From that on, I know everything is over. I was just hoping too much. Too much that I crumbled on my own hope. Ever since then, I was hoping that you will contact me again. I waited days. The days become weeks and weeks become months.

Till now, I have not heard anything from you yet. I shaved my head in hope that you will take notice but seems like I was wronged. In the end this shave will probably the mark the end of everything between you and me.

I think you know that I love you that is why you are afraid of me. I know that existence very well myself. I guess I will probably going to regret for what I have done. I am not saying that God is cruel to me and I know that my fate has never been mine to hold. The reason why, I lost my phone probably not by any chance. It was a hint by the fate in my life to stop contacting you. Since to begin with, I was the one who contacted you the most. I think it was good idea that I lost your no.

"The End"

Fashion Shocked..

2008-07-19T22:21:00.000-07:00

Woot!! And the bad luck continues...

The past 3 days I have been unlucky till something happened to me... So I will just go about my bad luck first.

After my 1 weeks spree of bad luck, fate did not let me go that easily. I was still unlucky as ever. My family called me and asked me whether I still had money left in my account. So I just told them that just transfer for my 3 months allowance but lesser it. Then they were wondering why I only asked that much. Then I just told them that I had been working for 6 days a week and will cover the remaining left. Then I got scolded by them for good. They told me that I came to Singapore to study not work and why I spend so much time for that. Surprising though they did not say that much when I was working in Hyatt for 6 days a week. I guess this is 1 of my unlucky spree.

I was told that my house owner was moving out of the house. So he thought of asking me along and joined them. They told me that they are going to move to Woodland nearby as well. So I thought it was a good idea. Then when I called my family, they told me not to move with him since it will be too expensive. After all, if I moved I need to pay the rental fee and on top of that I have to share the PUB bills. Then I have no idea how to tell my house owner. Crap...

The worse unlucky day ever. I took night rider home, I missed the damn stop of my place and overslept all the way till Sembawang MRT. I was very urgent and in need of toilet. There is no single transport available near there since it's still 4 AM IN THE MORNING!! I have to walk all the way to the main road to wave for taxi. There are so little taxi pass by and most of them are either hired or busy or even available it will be over at the next lane. Then at last there was taxi pass by, so I went in. Back then I felt like my bladder feel bursting soon. However, I keep holding on. When I reached Woodland, I still need to take my bike and pay the taxi 10 BUCKS!!! From Sembawang to Woodland, 10 BUCKS!!! I can't imagine it. Well.. I couldn't complain since I was very tired and in need of toilet. So I just rushed off and took my bicycle and rushed back home. Side note: Luckily my bicycle was not stolen since I left it there till 4 am. Then when I woke up, it was already afternoon. Then I rushed off and went to bath and took my bike and rushed too Woodland MRT and took cab to the place where I took my bike lesson class. Then the taxi driver, I took do not know where was the driving centre even though I tried describe as specific as I can. The first thing he did when we move for awhile was doing a round about at the main road of Woodland. I was like giving the-where-I-have-seen-that-school-before look. Then he realised that he was just turning around the circle. He also told me that he was new so if I wanted he could drop me at the taxi stand and let me go to another taxi. I was too pissed to say anything and just said nevermind since it will be a waste of time to return again. So basically, I missed my Trial Theory Test and late for my practise 5. After the practice over, the result evaluation is released. I have 2 immediate failure and only 10 point deducted!!! I could passed if not because of that stupid immediate failure. DAMN IT!!! You know the kind of feeling that is so very close yet so very far. AHH!!! Then I went to buy newspaper to look for new room. I could not find a single room for rental even thought the whole section is about rental and selling properties. So I just stuffed my newspaper into my bag and slowly find it at home.

Then I decided to cool my head at Causeway point. Then I passed by the barber shop and decided to cut my head. Since I have nothing to do and it was still 3. So I went to shave my head to no 0. It was kind of nice since my head feel like no burden at all. Then I went to Comic Shop, to look for new comic, my favorite manga was finally released in English. Then went I went to cashier and pay for my manga, I saw a game pad that I have been looking for. XBOX 360 Wireless Controller for Windows!! I was looking it for ages and I could not found it. When I about to leave causeway point, it was raining though not so heavy. I was walking under the shelter all the way till I near my bike, then somehow the rain lightened down and become drizzling and stopped. I was like cool. So I ride my bike all the way to home and when I reached my place, it started to rain again. I give another cool look. So I went to empty my bag. Then I while waiting for my computer to load, I flip the same newspaper and found room rental section. So I flip it to bookmark and then take a bath since I was under the drizzling rain. I went to sleep for a while, I actually manage to wake up on time. I went to test my game controller for a while. I was playing till so I forgot my time. It was still raining when I was about to go out and it was very heavy. So I just go ahead and took my umbrella. Surprisingly, I managed to remember that the floor would be wet and I need to wear my sandal instead. The thing about this is that, I always forgot my sandal when there was rain and in which my sandal will be wet. Even after have supper with my working colleagues, my bus came when we reach the bus stop. The best part was I fell asleep in the bus and I woke up on time for my stop.

Here is how my new look if you are curious...

7 days unlucky...

2008-07-17T00:30:00.000-07:00

Crap.. I am really jinxed. ARGGGHHH!!! How can there be anyone so unlucky? I mean seriously. FOR FREAKING 7 DAYS!!! Beat that. Well.. Lucky I didn't buy any lottery or else I will never win (though I still may not win if I am unlucky).

Anyway these are the series of events that happened to me for the whole 7 days

Failed my riding theory test and need to repeat again

Helping my friend to do coding all the way till 5 am

Still helping my friend do coding till 5 am

Lost card games in a row

Debugging my final year for the last minute till 4 am close to 5 am.

Cannot sign up for POSB mastercard and drink expired milk

Lost a friend

Well.. I guess can't be helped. All those are really me brought it to myself. First, why do I fail my RTT. Well.. It was because on that day, I have this severe headache due to skipping meals which is to save money. Then when I go home, I felt so tired and fell asleep. When I woke up, it was around 19:45. Then I rushed down to SSDC by a cab. When I reached at around 8.15, 1 of the invigilator didn't allow me to take the test, however the other said just let me be. So I just when to take my test. I spend 5 minutes figuring why I was not able to log in. Then I realised that my password is not my usual account but the 1 given to me. When I managed to log in, I was left with 30 mins. Then I just rushed it through. I was tired from rushing up the stairs. Though I managed to settle down after around 15 min. After the end of the test. There was this very big letter said "FAILED". Thank goodness, I still able to control or else I will have smashed the damn computer.

So the following 2 days, I helped my friends with her FYP. Well, it was because of her teammates that she need to redo everything. So out of my kindness I offered to help them. Then after done. She asked me to help her with her code. I was so frustrated with her code because what her teammate gave her was a copy and paste straight from the net. So I just helped them rush through their project for 2 days. I even missed my trial theory test because of this. Well.. Go ahead.. You can call me Mr Nice Guy.

Went out with my Indonesia friends for picnic. We play a couple of rounds for card game. I lost straight for God-knows-how-many rounds. I didn't win once until I actually change my position. So why am I jinxed here? Well.. Cause I chose a seat that keeps on making me lose until I chose to change with the person who keep on winning. >.<

It was near the night when 1 of my teammates sms me if there is any bug in our FYP system. I have gone through it once but I saw no error. Then on that time, I decided to add more student to request. That is when I saw my system error. I have to debug with my teammate who is tipsy near to drunk state. Luckily he can solve it or else I think I will not be sleeping that night. However when we solved the bug it was close to 5 already. And I was like half dead from all those lacks of sleep. Then I just send my project to my teammates and tell them to burn the project into cds in case I could not wake up. Then I sent the email without attachment!! I only realised when I woke up. Luckily I can wake up or else I do not know what going to happen.

I wakes up quite early so decide to have a big breakfast. So I went ahead and eat my cereal with milk as usual. Initially, I felt that the milk actually tastes a bit of different but I neglected it. Then when I to drink 1 more glass to finished the milk and that's when I saw... MY MILK EXPIRE!!! Yeah, as what it expected it to be. I have diarrhea for the whole morning till afternoon though it subside near to night time but there was no way to describe how hard I fought the war on the toilet. WAKAKA..
Then went out with my friend and pass by POSB bank. Thought of signing up for POSB mastercard where I can shop online. Then didn't expected it that I need to have passport. The passport is nevermind since I could always go back but they want my old passport ID. That is totally impossible for me to get since I did not have it anymore since my passport no change every time I renew it. So how can I find my passport ID if I had changed my passport for almost 3 years.. -_-

My another friend pass away again. -_- Well.. I guess this is just part of life. They live in me and they die in me. But afraid not.. She will always be remembered. Goodbye my friend whom I disappointed with. You actually go faster than I thought.

So all of this jinxed.. This is the worst. Fri, Sat, Mon and Tue, I took taxi to Clark Quay because I was very late because of FYP. So, Every ride costs me around 25 so for 4 that will be S$100!!

Anyway.. Actually all these jinxes are based on my characteristic. So that is why is hard to be Andi when all he has are such a lousy characteristics. However, I do enjoy being me after all, I have no 1 to love except myself. Haha.. >.<

Biggest screwed on my working days

2008-07-01T09:49:00.000-07:00

Today I felt like the worst day in my life. First, I accidentally fell asleep at home (this is no big deal since it happened often to me).

Then when I was working, I was informed there is a new promotion. It's one for one beer but not applicable to all. I was not informed that not all customer are being informed about this promotion. On top of that, I assumed that the beer are needed to be cleared since most of the time, the certain beer brand are not selling well as other beer is.

So I went to tell the Caucasian customers regarding the promotion and they took total of 8 beers but only charge them 4 because it was 1 for 1 offer. Well as far as I remember when I start work for today, I was only being informed that there is a beer promotion one for one. THAT'S ALL!! So later on, when I approached to certain table for closing bill, the customer are asked me that there is a mistake on the bill regarding the beer. I was puzzled too. I went back to ask my manager and she informed me that not all customers were being informed. Only those certain customers that have received the sms from the Boss are being informed. Then she went on telling me about the profit and making a loss and then I realised that I have informed the Caucasian customers regarding the promotion. The worst part is most of the time, the Caucasian customer is willing to spend on their drink like beer. Then I get my lectured on and on.

Then after that, one of my colleague come and questioning about certain table's food and that they wanted to cancel the food since they have waited way too long. I was in a state of confusion from those lecturer that I forgotten that I was the one who took the order from that customer. And yes! The best part is my colleague question it when I got lecture from my manager. So you know what happen when fire being added fuel. Yes! That's what I get. On the spot, I already lost the momentum of working anymore. Doing such a simple mistake.

However there was something that left me wondering. I was sure that back when I received the customer's order, I passed to someone to copy for me the order since the B******* chef always complaining about my handwriting. Yes! He dislike me and despise me as well. So you reap what you sow. He did that to me and I did the same back to him. So you see, I will never submit my order if it is regarding his food. I also despise him, so I only speak to him necessarily like if there is no kitchen assistant around. I will never buy food if he is the one that cook unless, it is leftover and untouched by the customer than I will eat.

Anyway back again, I was very sure that I passed the order slip to someone then I went on and do my own stuff. However I can't remember who was it so I just took the blame. I guess maybe I really have forgotten about it. Anyway customer cancel the order and I was blamed for affecting the chances of hitting the incentive. I guess never mind. Human makes mistake time to time so this prove that I am a human.

However the tough thing is being a man. What is it really takes to be a man?
Well... My answer is simple. Protect one's pride and uphold one's ego. These are actually in every man but they just expressed it differently. That's why I said man is simpler creature than woman because of woman's randomness that makes some men do not understand the woman.

Sucks....

Stay On...

2008-05-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm... After worry so much, seems like I have been cheated by my manager.

I GOT MY PAY RAISE!!! YEAH!!! My pay increase my 50 cents yet my monthly pay increase by hundred. Haha.. So I have need not to quit my job. However, I need to find another job soon so that I can push my pay higher. But first, I need to make sure my Final Year Project is completed and I have obtained my bike license. Hehe...

Indonesia Serial Spree!!

2008-05-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

I have to admit it. Indonesia show is really great. Haha... I am so addicted to it. Yes!! It. Just 1 show though. Hehe.. Most of the show that shown in MNC (Starhub's cable tv channel). Well, this is also the only show I managed to catch since I have school in the morning and work at night. So it will be right on time for the show to be aired when I reached home.

This show is none other than "Sumpah Gue Sayang Loe"(I swear I like you). To be honest, the storyline is kind of good and twisted. The acting is very unrealistic but I just love it. Haha.. Too bad for those who cannot understand English. If you can understand Indonesia and have Starhub Cable Tv, you should consider getting the MNC channel (I am not promoting Starhub since I am not receiving a single cent for doing this).

This is the main theme of the show:
NIDJI (The band name) - Hapus Aku (Erase Me)
Kutuliskan kesedihan
Semua tak bisa kau ungkapkan
Dan kita kan bicara dengan hatiku
(Write down all your sadness
Which you can't expressed
And we shall discuss it with my heart)

Buang semua puisi
Antara kita berdua
Kau bunuh dia sesuatu
Yang kusebut itu cinta
(Throw all the poems
between two of us
You killed him with something
which I called it love)

Reff: (Chorus)
Yakinkan aku Tuhan
Dia bukan milikku
Biarkan waktu waktu
Hapus aku…
(Make me sure God
That she is not mine
Let the time, Time
Erase me)

Sadarkan aku Tuhan
Dia bukan milikku
Biarkan waktu waktu
Hapus aku…
(Make me realise God
That she is not mine
Let the time, Time
Erase me)

The song quite cool right. I love it as well.

Why Working So Hard For?

2008-05-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

This is kind of disappointing. I have been thinking that if I to work in Shunjuu, I can enjoy it more. After what I have been told by manager, I am very disappointed.

I was told that if I cannot improve my performance, then I was not allowed to take order. If I can't take order then there will be no pay rise. This is TOTALLY BULLSHIT!!! In the first place, I was not allowed to take order because my handwriting is sucks. The F***** UP Chef always complain about he can't read it. So what's the point of working so hard when in the end I can't write. Even if I was able to write, it will still be re-write by others. So what's the point of working hard when there is nothing to sow in the end.

I am very pissed. Previously, I was told by passing a certain test that I need to take, there will be a pay increment for me. After study for so long, I was test. I F****** memorise the note line by line and know the theory as if it was at the back my hand. Then I when I was test, it was based on practical. I have let that go and now I was told that I will not get my pay increment.

Luckily, the pay day is neear. If I really not going to get my pay increment then I will really F****** quit that F****** job. WHAT F***** UP!!!

What Is It Mean To Be Average?

2008-05-06T08:01:00.000-07:00

From previous post, I have been thinking very hard what does it takes to be average. So after thinking for few days. I finally found my answer.

This is what I felt about being average. Being average mean:
you have to make the special people their days.
you have to be the same as others.
you will not have an extraordinary life.
you will not have a perfect life.

So being average is not easy after all. That is why I can't be average. I was destined to live a life of the unordinary.

Talked about destined, there is no such thing as fate is in the hand of individual. This thing which we called fate is something that has been with us since we are brought to this Earth. And yes when I mean Earth is when your father and mother started their industry of human making. So you see, what you doing now is not a mere coincidence but things that has been planned. We are like a chess pieces that being move but the difference are we are moving simultaneously and there are more than 2 colours. This is just random thought from me.

Senseless

2008-04-29T07:55:00.000-07:00

It's true that sometime human are being born differently from their mental all the way to the fate. However I have no idea that human can actually born with such a misery fate. Nothing actually ever get right for him. He spend most of his time to trying to improve his life and it become plunge down. Yeah.. If you are still wondering who is that? That person is actually me.

It seems that when I came to this World, I already owe plenty to them. Nothing in my life is going at the right track. I am bad at almost everything. This is what I have compile about myself that what I think is really crap:

Speaking English
Master none of my languages (compare to all my siblings)
Muscle aching at such a young age
Minor color blind
Hearing defect
Periodic nose bleed
Bad at relationship
Not very good with maintaining friendship
Sucks at socialising
Family that meets lots of challenge
Different from most Indonesian who came to Singapore
Born as the youngest who has less voice in the family
Allergy to alcoholic drinking
Speak too fast
Slow in reaction
Too easy being convinced
Always argued
and etc....

There are lots of them but right now I will just type this cause the more I type the more depress it will be. Haiz...

I am actually a person who just want to live as normal average joe but the harder I try the further I got. Is it really hard to be normal? I really do not want to become any person which have a great fate lays ahead or waiting for huge storm to stomp my life. This is seriously senseless for a person be so unlucky. From all those point I actually can derive, it's either I have been cursed or I am just jinxed. .....

WWWWAAAAHHHHH!!!!

God of Death

2008-04-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

These few days, I have not been feeling very well. I have no idea what is going to happen to me. It started on 21/4/08. Initially, I was very fine when I was out with my friend. Then the following day, I felt so tired in the class. It's always been the same routine but it's just that in that morning, I can't seem to be concentrate very well.

On Tuesday night after gathering with my ex-secondary friends, I went home and drank a can of Carlsberg. The next day which is Wednesday, I was on my way to school. Just as usual, I walk on the same pace but my cnemis (the part of the leg that located in between knee and ankle) hurts a lot. I almost felt like this sensation going to tear it apart. On that night, I seek my friend advice when I was working. He told me that my liver is the one causing the problem. He told me that it might be cancer so I need to seek doctor's help. He also told me that seeking Chinese Sensei is good enough since they will massage it for me.

On Thursday, the same pain came back. But I just ignored it. Friday evening, I asked my house owner's opinion. He told me story regarding his brother's who got leg cancer and died after a few days when the cancer is being discovered. On Sat morning, I woke up to find my whole body in misery. Fever and cramps almost everywhere. I almost can't stand up. After a few time sleep-wake. I finally pulled myself up and get to work. I take 2 panadol strong before I went to work. It was alright for a few hours before the pain came back again. I felt giddy and slowly losing my conscious. Luckily I got the chance to rest in the MRT when I was on my way home. As a matter of fact my cnemis pain is still occurring as I type every single word for this post. I hope the pain will just gone when I take panadol and rest tonight.

I have no idea why is this happening to me. Seems like the God of Death like me so much that He has been trying to put off the light in my live. I won't be surprised if there is a day where I can't see light anymore. I think my time is approaching. The ticking of my time in this world is getting slower. So if I really go one day, then I will at least will like to "Thank the World for whatever things that she has provided me".

Clown Huh...

2008-04-25T01:07:00.001-07:00

Sometime I really kind of envy on one of my best friend. He can be such a joker that everyone laugh at him and he doesn't really matter with it. I mean I don't know but he really has no limit how much or how far his joke can stretch. 1 thing about him that I really envy him, he can really bring laughter and smile to people around him (though of course some time I am his subject of his joke and that really turned off me.) Haha..

On the other hand, I am just a pathetic person. I don't know why but I think I can be made fun of but there is limit to it. And I don't get it why sometime it really pissed me off too. I understand that all those are just a joke but how many people can really understand a person's feel. I just don't get it. They treat me really like a topic and subject of joke. In other word, I am just a clown. I can't fit myself into any normal conversation except I am being laughed on. Hmmmm... This sounds pretty depressing. Well... What can I do? This is my only way of communication. I guess I really suit the kind of person who is emotionless and fierce looking guy. Haha... Just kidding, I think I need to be more serious in whatever I do. This should be one of the resolve that I need to have for my new age. Haha...

Birth Day

2008-04-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

Ah... I guess this post was supposedly be expected from yesterday but haha.. I felt asleep yesterday night. I was too tired. It was the "most fun" birthday I have ever had. Haha...

Well.. I went out with my friend who is a girl but the 2 words are not together. We met up at 6 and try to figure what to had for dinner. Haha.. Halfway through, my Sister from Australia called me and of course to be expected from her to wish me "Happy Birthday". The great thing about the called is that, she make this statement. I'm not very sure how she phrase that statement but this is what she said. "Andi, It's (or is it) your birthday today. (or ?)". Haha.. So it does set me wonder at first but well hack it. At the very least she called the at the correct date. Haha..

So what makes this year my best birthday is I actually have to walk all the way from Grand Hyatt Singapore all the way to Funan IT Mall. The other best part it my friend and I took 2 hours to come conclusion what we going to have for dinner. Haha.. But T.T birthday boy had to treat the girl. T.T So much for the birthday. Haha.. Just kidding.. Hehe.. After all, it's my principle for me to not let the girl treat me. Haha.. Though there are a few time where girl treat me but that is really the situation where I cannot do anything. Haha...

Ohh.. My working place actually celebrating my birthday in which I really didn't expect it at all. Haha... Ok.. Maybe I am too naive but I really didn't see it coming. I have been in living for 18 years, there is never a time where I will be surprised for my birthday because I don't really celebrate it. However last Sunday was a good surprise. I let my guard down. Haha.. All of them deserve a good clap and praise. Haha.. Ok.. Shoo the crap.
This is what happened:
For those who still has no idea, I am actually working in Japanese Pub Restaurant in Robinson (or Robertson or something sounds like that) Quay. So I was asked to deliver food to this place called Tasting Note. It's actually the only pub that do not serve food but it associates itself with other restaurant which mean other restaurants can deliver food there. Initially, I have no complaint of going over. On the second visit, I suddenly realised that the following day will be my birthday so I actually afraid that my manager will forget that I actually requested off. So I just sms her and informed her that I wish for Mon and Tue off. However, there is no reply so I assume that she was too busy with the planning of the time table schedule. Then on my third visit, I got irritated because I can't recognise the plate that I supposed to collect. So I keep on pester my senior to takeover for me. Since I'm the only guy, I kind of understand that I am the one supposed to go since the rest of them are ladies and it has always been guy who deliver the food over to Tasting Note. Then randomly, my Assistant Manager requested for my IC. So I still stupidly pass her my Indonesian IC and show her. On top of that I am still showing off my IC and my ez-link card. Then when I supposed to go back for the 4th time to deliver the bill, I was really persistent not to go and asked my senior to go. So 1 of them actually pissed and the other is also persistent. So she just taught me how to recognise the plate then I actually ran out of excuse to not go. Then I go and came back and when I just opened the door. SURPRISED!! A cake actually laid on the table and everyone wish me happy birthday. So I was like giving the mind-go-blank-and-look-stupidity-and-do-not-know-what-to-say look. But it was really good. It really tricks me good. Haha...

So this is probably the best birthday so far in my life. Haha...

Music that Express My Feeling

2008-04-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

Attention to those who read this post:
First of all, I am an emotional guy. I am a guy but I am pretty soft inside but that didn't make a pussy or any word that describe me feminine. So after reading this, you think I am pussy, then you can stop reading it.

Lucky, I hear these songs, Menjaga Hati by Yovie & Nuno and Sejauh Mungkin by Ungu, after I went out with Lucy. If I actually heard these songs before that, maybe the entire day mood will just bust. Seriously, after hearing these songs, for some apparent reason tears rolling down on my cheeks. It's just that I'm not crying but it's more like I am touched? (I think this is the nearest word to explain it).

The song "Menjaga Hati" was the exact expression that I used to have toward a certain girl. The song describe as exact as what I have felt for her in the past until recently. This is description of lyric in terms of my feeling.

"Your existence that has left a scarce in my heart is still linger within me. Continuous rain is hinting that love is no longer left. You have turned away.

Allow me to keep this feeling. To keep the short moment of love that you have given me. You have gone but I will not go. You are distancing but I will stay. The fact is that I am still longing for you.

Are there still light of longing within you that always portrait your feeling? I will never able erase you within me despite that I see you are distance away.

If at the end, you are still not back, I will still be alone to keep this feeling for you.

The honest truth is I really longing for you."

This really describe my feeling. I try to translate as near as possible to the song. But it will be better if you understand Indonesia or Malay at least you can see the truth of the lyric yourself.

As for the second song, "Sejauh Mungkin", describes my feeling of this very present. The aftermath of my feeling.

"The tiredness of a feeling that you didn't see if only you can feel how tiring it is for my soul because of your doing. The beautiful love that you have given to me is no longer exist for my soul to comfort on.

It's better for me to leave. Leave you alone as fas as possible just to forget you.

It's better for me to leave. Leave you alone as fas as possible just to forget you who don't really care of my feeling that love and care for you.

If I have distanced away from you, I hope you will understand and realised it."

The second song is a tad too hard to be translated. So I can only tell you to appreciate the song. Though not all the lyric in second song is true about she has given me love but the word love can be change to care. She showered me an unreasonable amount of care that comfort me.

I'm not talking about anyone else here. Yes.. She is the only girl that I have the feeling of love that is so strong that surpass my love for anything else. It even surpass my love for myself or my family that I care for the most. However the fact is seems otherwise from another point of view.

I really do not know how her feeling for me but I can guarantee that it may not be the same as mine. The unconditional love. This is what I describe my feeling for her.

It's all over now anyway. So there is no point to describe anymore. My existence mean nothing to her now. Slowly and surely, I will disappear from her life. It pains me to do this but it is the best solution. There is no other alternative solution for this. Wait for her, confess to her or forget about her is a bull crap reason. I can only distance myself and just a be her fading shadow.

Move Along

2008-04-11T10:52:00.000-07:00

Hmmm.. I have released an earlier post but I seems it's seems to be too complicated. So this will be the redo.

I felt that all my surrounding moving so fast and for some reason I am to afraid to move my leg. I wanted to be like everyone else in moving forward. However I feared of something. Something that will be lost once I moved my forward. Every human always has decision to be made in any point of their life to choose what is best for him or her.

I think I need to sacrifice in order to gain. Though there are things that I will lose, they will always be with me. The memories of the sadness and happiness that need to be cherished.

So I hope the thing that I'm leaving behind will not haunt me in the future. Though I have never regretted, not even once, that I decided to keep it. The thing I am leaving behind is just my feeling. A feeling that will not reach and will never be.

Fur huh...

2008-04-09T10:27:00.000-07:00

I recently got this email from a friend regarding the fur farm in China. I do not wish to upload those video to my blog but if you are interested you can just see it in here.

Well.. My point of view in this fur farm in China is neutral. I do not support on the way they kill or against them. This is what my view is and I am not trying to preach. It's true that the way their act of killing is horribly wrong but I think that they have to do this since they have family to feed. It's their fault that they have to skinned them but it makes no difference whether they have to kill them alive or dead. If we are talking about act of kindness here then I think we should not have even skinned them. Nonetheless whether the fur came from China or Europe or whatever country is, it is very wrong to kill animals for Human's selfishness.

However I will like other to see my point of view is that, this is what makes us Human. God create us in a way that we can overcome all of kinds of obstacles with feeling. Neither we are doing good things nor bad things and who is there to judge which is right and wrong. If slaughtering animal for gaining their fur is mistake then I should say that the chicken and the cow deserve their right for the act of kindness. They should just come in 1 piece and go in 1 piece. I think we have no right to blame all of China people to kill the animals for their fur. It's true that the way they skinned the animal is cruel and even I can't bear to watch it. And I think people who have seen the video agree that what if they are treated the same way? I know it's truly painful to see the animal to be left in the open and leave them die slowly. In fact we all know that the fur is not supposed to be damaged in order to sell for a good price. So I understand they have to kill the animal slowly by chocking them or smash them to the floor. There is now way of killing those fur animal in respect to gain an undamageable fur. If there are handling 1 or 2 animal a month maybe they can make sure the animal is dead before skinning them alive to grant them a less painful experience of life. However we are talking about a day here. It's just like you have to do 50 cans of soda a day with hands only. We can't do anything anything about it since we are the just like those people who are in fur farm in China. We are just as cruel and heartless as them because we are Human. As long as we are Human, we can't blame them because we are the same as them. We maybe different in our way of thinking but we have to admit that deep down inside us have the same characteristic that we do not want to be portray out.

Hehe.. This is the end. This is just random post that I have for my blog. Please do not sue me or support me because I believe you all have your own thought. I also not looking for trouble because all I want is just to let other see what I have for the thoughts of it. Oh.. Of course I will be supporting the anti-fur since they reuqired people. I am more than willing to help. Hehe.. Please help too if you felt that you are doing the right for yourself. Thank you.. Hehe...

A Trouble That Shall Be Remembered

2008-04-08T00:42:00.000-07:00

So actually I was in Indonesia for a week for the Chen Meng (a festive for Chinese tradition of cleaning the grave). While I was Indonesia, there are this happening that stress me a lot.

The occurrence was when I was texting my Indonesian friend. Initially when I was texting her, I was planning to tease her. She asked me who I am and where do I get her no but I deny and refuse to answer. Then suddenly I received this phone called from a certain unknown no that I have no idea who. So I just picked up and asked who is the person. She kept on saying that I get her no from her friend so I draw the conclusion that she is the the girl that I have been texting and turned out that I was right. However it was too late since I already gave my identity away so I couldn't tease her anymore. She asked me where I am but I was thinking of teasing her. So I lied that I was in Batam on holiday. Then the chat continue till she decided to hit off since she has school tomorrow. The next night I actually confess that I was in Jakarta since I felt rather guilty for lying. And I told her that the reason why I was in Jakarta which is for the Chen Meng. The continue story will be my texting on her:
Me:Let me be honest, I actually in Jakarta for Chen Meng. I felt kind of guilty for lying... You know what is Chen Meng right?
A : Of course I know. I am Chinese as well.
Me: Really? That was a big news to me. What a surprise.. Haha..
30 minutes later......
Me: Hey.. You angry with me? Sorry.. I didn't know you can't take such a far fetch joke...
1 hour later.....
Me: Hey.. Still angry? I am sorry.. I really didn't mean it. Why not as for my apology to show you that I really guilty, I shall grant you a wish that you want? Anything as long as I can do..
1 day later.....
Me: Hey.. Still angry? I am really sorry. Please do not mad...
2 days later...
Me: Hey... Are you ignoring me? I am sorry I really push my joke too much. It's ok if you want to hate me. I just want to let you know that I am sorry and I am sincere with it..
1 hour later...
I rang my friend and tell him the situation I face. He told me that she is not that kind of person who is really petty. So it was a relieve to me since I believe my friend.
1 day later...
A: Sorry I was sleeping yesterday. I hit off kind of early.

HUH!!! I was stunned with the reply.. She treated as if that she did not receive all my message. I was like frustrated and kind of glad since she is the first girl that make me so stressful. Haha.. But well that is kind of relieve. Anyway I will remember those days where I felt guiltiest day of my life. Haha...

Some random thought:
I miss the "bakso" (meat ball noodle) that I sold near my brother's place. The meat ball is so tender and there is this huge meat ball that really has lots of meat. Arrrghhhh... I am craving for it now. Haha...

Day for the Tough,,

2008-03-20T10:35:00.001-07:00

Alright.. Yesterday is one of the hardest day that I have to face. Diarrhea from morning till night and in fact as I'm typing now. My stomach is kind of crappy. It's been the whole day but there is no sign of recovery. Haiz... Why does this kind of thing always has to happened to me? Is it fate or gene? Haha.. Anyway let's hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Too tough to type so this will be just a short update.. Haha..

My Very Own Vodka reipe!!

2008-03-05T10:28:00.000-08:00

I am so excited.. Haha.. Well... I am not sure whether anyone has tried it but I don't know about it or have copy it. So let me present my very own Vodka recipe.

Ohh.. Ohh.. Before that let me share how I find it. Recently when I came back from Indonesia, I actually bought this 1l of Absolut Vodka which is shot rocket down price. A bottle is around 24, if I wasn't wronged. So ever since then I always make vodka mix with coke whenever I have ice cube.

So this very night, I saw my carrot juice when I open my fridge. That's where I have my crazy idea. Hehe... This is what I happened
I put the ice cube on the tumbler to chill it.
Then I pour the vodka on the ice to make vodka on rock and I try to drink it. It taste really plain (obviously..).
Then I pour a bit of carrot juice in and taste it. The vodka blunt taste is still there but I actually can taste the the carrot juice.
So I pour the coke in hoping to add flavour to the blunt taste of vodka and the ratio is 1:1:3 of carrot juice and vodka and coke respectively. Then I try it again. The coke flavor too strong.
So I added a little bit more of carrot juice which make the ratio 2:1:3 of carrot juice and vodka and coke respectively. Then I try it again.. The taste is superb. The carrot juice's sweetness is there and coke soften the alcohol. Though the taste is not as refreshing as the coke mix with vodka only but I like the flavour. Hehe... Here is the picture of the drink I made:

Sorry the picture not as clear because it's kind of ugly. Maybe when it looks nicer next them then I will upload it again. Wakaka....

Broke Again...

2008-03-03T07:20:00.000-08:00

This is totally uncool seriously...

Man.. I came back for 3 days and guess what!! I face with 3 freaking letter. It just stare at me when I opened my drawer. 3 BILLS!!! OMG!! I can understand that my Starhub Digital cable and internet are expensive. However I didn't expect that my handphone's bill is freaking expensive too. F****** S***!!! I have not spend anything and I have to pay my house rental and my bills.

So what makes me broke. Well... Before I got the chance to spend on anything else in here, I already spend S$670!! That's already half of my this month usage money. Each month I am given S$1000. Now I left with S$330 for this month!

Crap.. I think I already can imagine myself eating grass by the end of this month. T.T No choice I guess, I have to do my ultimate money saving again. Wish me good luck cause I will really need it. T.T

Guess who is back??

2008-03-02T02:42:00.000-08:00

Ahh.. Back again in blogging but I am just going to type this for the sake of fun and laughter since I am pretty bored now due to a certain reason. Ohh... I must thank him for making my day so "WONDERFUL". So much for the eskibar, my friend. Haha..

Well just came back from Indonesia on 29th February, THE LEAP YEAR!! Wohoo!!! Haha.. Just kidding.. This day has no significance for me anyway. Haha.. For those who has read my previous blog as in not my previous post (since this will be the first post for this blog) will probably know that my journey back to and fro from Indonesia is really heart touching. Haha.. Just kidding. The correct words will probably be "full of misery". Haha..

Anyway lots happened when I was there. Hehe..

I am probably in the whole house who is really very carefree. Why? Cause I am the only one who don't really bother. So why others are busy? It's because Chinese New Year. They seems to have lots of preparation but a person who with the likes of me, Chinese New Year just seems like any other ordinary day. Haha...

So my daily life in there is pretty simple. I wake up around 11 because of (I will tell the reason later). Then brush my teeth and wash face. After which I will do 1 set of 20 count for push-up, squad and sit up. Then I will have my breakfast of roti panggang (roasted bread). Then lunch will be ready around 1 and my whole family will eat together. After lunch, I will bath and then go out. This outing of mine is the only special event that may vary from day to day. Then come back at 7 for dinner and some family discussion. Then I will bath at 8.15 since I will ask my cousin to help me boil my water at 8. Then night time, I will be either playing computer game or listen to music or watch some unknown title of Indonesian Drama with my Mom. Then I will probably slept around 1. And this kind of lifestyle repeat almost 95% of my time in Indonesia. So anyone who is sane enough that say I am crazy for hating to go back Indonesia?

Hmmmm.. I didn't see this coming when I go back actually. I really didn't see it. I have to baby sit my sister's children. Thank goodness that her son is still a new born. On top of that he don't really cry alot. Hehe.. So the headache is the sister. She is turning 2 this coming September. She is the one that drive me crazy. Haha.. But I don't really dislike her seriously. Despite the troubles that she gave me and the troublesome and bothersome, she is still very adorable. Haha.. I hope my daughter will be like her in the future (that has to depend whether I will get to marry or not and being blessed with daughter). Hehe.. I think she is the smartest toddler that I have seen so far in my life. She actually know how to become shy when she is being praised. OMG!!! But I like like this 1 best:

Haha.. Adorable isn't it? None of the family member know where or how she learnt it. Haha.. Ohh.. But the irritating part about her is that she will be the one who wakes me up everyday. T.T

Chinese New Year the 15th Night, again I go to Chon Chong. Initially, I really do not plan of going but due to out of curiosity to meet the girl that my Eldest brother being introduced. I have no choice but to let my curious took over. Haha.. Hmmmm... I finally get to meet the bastard who scolded my Mom on my Brother's case. Lucky my Bro give him a good 3 punch and he KO. Haha.. I also actually want to give him a few punch since I really furious about it. Well.. He didn't react so I will just let it be. And he actually very thin and the face, I am just so want to punch it straight (if become worse don't blame me). Haha.. After 2 weeks of free alcohol and the fact is free flow alcohol, I give in to my desire and a have party. Haha.. It was pretty fun. Hehe... Drink all you want yet I don't even need to come out with a single cent. Haha..

I get to know Harry's cousin from there too. She is pretty cute but she is definitely not my type. Haha.. But the truth is we get along pretty well. Haha.. I sms her from day to night. According to Harry, she is the type who will make guy think wrongly about her intentioned. But from what I see, I am the one who makes her think wrongly of my intentioned. Haha... My relationship with her is just Teman Tapi Mesra a.k.a TTM (Friend but Happy). Haha.. Hope she don't lose control and confess or I will really don't know how to answer. Haha.. But I kind of freak out by her since she is very open minded yet thick skin and it's just that she is very sensitive with the word death or vulgar just like Asni. Come to think about it. She does resemble and kind of remind me of Asnida. On top of that, she has the brain just like Asnida but the different is she already quit her school while Asni is already in University grade.

Ohh.. My family will never seems to leave me in peace in every family dinner. They will keep on yada yada yada and yada about my life in Singapore. But I have finally assure them about myself and what I want. And I resolved every single matter. From my school life to my very private life like my relationship. Hehe.. Still I think I will just remain single for sometime until I think I really ready for a relationship. Hmmm.. Good idea.. Haha... Anyway that's just bull shit. My Mom brought the subject about my previous BGR. That's pretty bad topic though and I hated that a lot. Haha.. The topic goes for a few days. At first I just try to avoid the subject but in the end I think I won't be able to run forever. So I just go ahead with it. Hehe.. Guess what? The victory is me!! HAHA!!! I managed to convince her to think that I am a growing adult. Hehe...

And oh.. Oh... The greatest day of my life is approaching. I decided to take a step toward a greater and brighter future. Though the outcome still seems foggy, I think it's a matter of time before I really face it. Haha.. So I will just face it. If it's good then it is indeed a brighter future. If not then sorry and try again next year.. Haha.. Well as if next year got the chance to try again. Haha... So for now I will just stay low and follow the flow. Haha.. For those out there who know, I pray and pray they won't do anything or say it because this is my greatest secret and please don't let it out. Haiz... May God hear my prayer... Haha...